~Part Four~

Sirius:

“Sirius!”

The sound of someone yelling my name roused me from a fitful slumber.  Forcing my heavy eyelids open, I blinked past the veil of moisture and peered up into Peter’s troubled face, which was obscured by a mass of my own disheveled hair.  “Wha…?” I mumbled groggily.

How long had I slept?  Not very, judging my desire to take a sleeping potion and hibernate for the rest of the school year.

“It’s about Remus,” Peter said.

Stifling a yawn, I sat up and brushed the frayed black locks from my face.  “What is it?”

“Dumbledore was just here.  He–”

“Did he get Remus released?” I demanded, feeling a sudden burst of energy replace my exhaustion.  “Did he–”

“He wanted,” Peter cut in loudly, sounding irritated, “to know if Remus was feeling any better.”

“You mean he wanted to know if Remus was feeling any better when I spoke to him than when Dumbledore saw him last?” I asked.  “Why didn’t he wake me?”

“That’s not what he wanted,” he ground impatiently.  “He wanted to know if Remus was feeling any better than when he left him in the Gryffindor common room after getting him released from the Confinement Center.”

“What?”

“That’s what I said.  Apparently, Dumbledore and Remus arrived at Hogwarts about an hour ago.  Remus claimed he wanted to take a shower so Dumbledore left him in the common room.”     

“But Remus hasn’t been in here – has he?”

Peter shook his head.  “I checked on the Marauder’s Map,” he said, handing said item to me, “and he’s not on here anywhere.”  Then he added, “In case you’re wondering, if Remus had returned an hour ago he would have found you and James in the middle of your conversation.”

Suddenly, I remembered how Peter had thought he had heard something, right around the time we were discussing how long Moony had gone missing for.  Oh no!  I had told Remus that we had been with him for the entire night, only realizing after I said it that it wasn’t true.  Then, with him stuck in that wretched place, I hadn’t corrected myself.  I hadn’t wanted him to worry.  If Remus had heard James and I he would have realized not only that I had lied to him but that the possibility existed that he had killed Evelyn.

I hastily unfolded the map entirely and examined it inch by inch.  I saw that James was with Lily in a hidden chamber between the boys’ and girls’ dormitories and that all the professors – including Dumbledore – were in the staffroom.   There was no sign of Remus, not even among the throng of students in the common room.  That meant that there was only once place he could be.

“Mischief managed,” I tapped the map with my wand.  As the ink faded away, I folded the parchment up and tucked it into the inner pocket of my robe.  Then I opened James’ trunk and pulled out his Invisibility Cloak.  “Tell James that I’m with Remus,” I called over my shoulder as I flew out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Peter called after me but I didn’t stop to answer.

On Christmas Day during our first year at Hogwarts, Remus and I had gone exploring.  We had accidentally found a maze of hidden passageways that one could only enter through the library.  Near the back of the large, bookcase infested room, was the tapestry of a unicorn.  A single stroke of the unicorn’s flank would open the entrance to the concealed rooms and hallways.

Remus had asked me if it could be our secret and I had indulged him.  Over the years, we had used it as a sanctuary for when we were troubled.  Whenever I wanted to tell him about my family woes or he wanted to talk about his horrible childhood, we’d go there.  It was a safe place, one we knew wouldn’t be intruded upon.  I had even run there after I had found out what would have been done to Remus had he killed Snape when I so thoughtlessly sent the bastard into the Whomping Willow.

Though we had never talked about it since its discovery, we had both kept its existence a secret even after the invention of the Marauder’s Map.  All the other secret passages and chambers the Marauders had ever found were on it, but not this one.

James probably knew about it though.  He might not know exactly where it was but he wasn’t stupid.  He had to know that we had a place we went that he and Peter didn’t know about.  There were just too many times one of hadn’t shown up on the map for him not to have realized.

Remus would be very disconcerted now.  He had to be there.  I could think of no other place he’d go.

~~~~~~~~~~

It took me nearly an hour to locate Remus.  After looking in all our usual haunts and not finding him, I’d had to resort to going hallway by hallway and room by room.  Finally, when I was beginning to wonder if Peter had hallucinated the entire episode with Dumbledore, I came across him. 

He was in a small room.  It was about half the size of the one we shared with James and Peter.  It looked like at some point it had been someone’s bedroom.  There was a bed against the far wall.  Next to it was a nightstand and a dresser.  To the right of the doorway was a fireplace.  Remus was sitting in front of it with his legs pulled up to his chest, as always.  There was no fire crackling, just black powdery ash and charred remnants of wood, but Remus was staring into it as if it contained the key to eternal happiness.

He didn’t look at me when I entered but he knew I was here.  I had made no effort to conceal my approach.  I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed at my intrusion.  His face was calm but his eyes were not.  It looked as if a miserable war was being waged within them, one that neither side could win.  He was tormented.  There was nothing to indicate whether he wanted my company.

Silently, I sat down next to him and turned my attention to the ebony cinders.  “How much did you hear?”

“Enough.”

I winced at the accusatory tone of his voice.  It was amazing how much censure he could carry in one, solitary word.  “I didn’t lie to you.  At least…I didn’t mean to.  I didn’t remember until after I said it that it wasn’t true.  Then–” I didn’t know what to say, how to explain what I had felt in that Confinement Center.

After seven years, Remus knew when I was and wasn’t done speaking.  He waited silently for me to find the words that eluded me.

I licked my upper lip.  It was dry and parched.

“I didn’t want to take it back because I didn’t want you to be tearing yourself apart while you were in that…place.  I couldn’t – I couldn’t stand the image of you sitting there among that filth, wondering if you had killed someone.  That Confinement Center has enough despair of its own without you–” I wasn’t explaining this well at all, “–without letting it amplify your own…doubts.”  That didn’t make any sense.  I sighed.  “I just didn’t want you to worry more than you had to.”

When Remus didn’t say anything I turned my head to look at him.  Like in the Confinement Center, he had a very fleeting grasp on his tumbling emotions.  If I hadn’t known him so well I would have said he was perfectly calm, in control, but that was only on the outside.  Inside…  I couldn’t even imagine.  Remus was such a…peaceful person.  Ending another person’s life would shatter his world.

“I’m sorry.”  Hopefully he would hear my sincerity.

“Don’t be.  I understand why you did it.  I can even appreciate it,” he lowered his gaze to the floor.  “After thinking that I was blameless…it’s crushing to think I’m not.”

I bowed my head.  “I made things harder for you.  That was the last thing I wanted.”

“I know.”  He smiled then.  It was a brief, barely-existent smile, but a smile nonetheless.  It was his way of telling me that it was all right, that he understood, that he wasn’t angry.

Remus shifted away from me.  It was almost imperceptible, barely increasing the space between us at all, but I saw it for what it was.  An obvious plea for solitude.  It was as if he was saying, ‘You got what you wanted.  You apologized and I forgave.  Now go.’

I more than comprehended his wanting to be alone.  There were times when I wanted to be alone too.  There were times when I felt like I needed to isolate myself from everything and everyone.  There were also times when what I wanted and what I needed were not compatible.  I couldn’t go now.  Not when Remus was so close to falling apart.

“I won’t leave,” I stated adamantly.

 Remus sighed but didn’t seem that annoyed.  It was as if he was torn between wanting solitude and needing to be with someone.  “I killed someone, Sirius.  In a way, I’m glad the system is so skewed against me because…how am I supposed to live with this?  I don’t think it’s possible.”

There was only the faintest glimmer of doubt in his voice.  He really believed he was responsible for Evelyn’s death.  Or maybe he was forcing himself to believe it because it was simpler than doubting, than wondering, than tormenting himself with the question.  “You didn’t kill her.”

He laughed.  It was a horrible sound devoid of all mirth.  It was made more horrible by it being so uncharacteristic of him.  Remus was reserved and soft-spoken.  His behaving this way was a testament to how distressed he was.  “Yes, because there are so many other werewolves attending Hogwarts.  I’m sure it was one of them,” he shook his head.  “How can you believe that I didn’t do this?”  His control was slipping, further proving what a tenuous hold he had over himself.

“Because I have to!” I yelled, feeling a rush of anger that wasn’t directed at anything or anyone in particular.  Least of all Remus.  “Because when I don’t then–”

“Say it,” he urged softly, “Go ahead.  Say it.  When you don’t you realize what I am.  A monster.”

“–I know that there’s no hope,” I finished.  “Then I know that you’re going to…die.”  Then, almost violently, I seized him by the shoulders and forced him to face me.  “You.  Are.  Not.  A.  Monster.”

He closed his eyes.  “But something inside me is,” he breathed, sounding weary and defeated.  “There’s something vicious inside me that I can’t control.  Something that can hurt people.  Something that can kill people.  And it’s always there.  Not just on the full moons.  It’s only then that I lose myself.  The rest of the month…I can feel it.  I can hear it.  It’s like a presence, whispering.  And the whispers grow louder day by day until, for a few horrible hours, they drown out my own voice and I’m nothing but an animal.”

We had never spoken about this.  I knew the full moons, with their horrible transformations, were hell for him.  I had never asked about the rest of the month, about whether he could feel the presence of the wolf.  Maybe I hadn’t wanted to know.  Maybe it was easier to think that he wasn’t torn by his condition all the time, that it was just one night a month. 

I didn’t know what to say.  Maybe there was nothing I could say.  I just softened my grip on his shoulders to a gentle touch. 

Remus went limp suddenly, as if all the energy had just fled his body.  “I’m scared,” he admitted quietly.

I shifted forward hesitantly.  When he didn’t move away, I drew him close to me.  It wasn’t a hug – exactly.  It was more a way of sharing comfort, of sharing warmth.  “So am I,” I whispered.

~~~~~~~~~~

“How is he?”  James asked.

I shook my head.  “I’ve never seen him like this.  He’s guilt ridden.  Terrified.”  I let my eyes drift to where Remus lay sleeping.  We had sat together in front of that fireplace for nearly two hours.  We hadn’t spoken.  I had just held him.  He had leaned against me, motionless.  Finally, he had withdrawn and told me that he needed to shower and rest so we had returned to the dormitory.

I wanted to believe that I had helped him somehow but I wasn’t sure that I had.

“I thought of something we can do,” James said, drawing my gaze back to him.  “It might not clear him, though.  It might only sign his death sentence,” he warned.  “If it works, we’ll know exactly what happened last night.  We’ll know whether he killed her.”

~Part Five~

Everyone in Knockturn Alley had an ill-favored look about them.  Skulking about in the shadows with a mad glint in their eyes, huddled in groups conducting all sorts of nefarious business, or on the prowl for a new dark endeavor, they were all strikingly unnerving.  Especially the drunks that inhabited the cheaper sections.

“Are you certain we’re in the right place?” James asked, pulling the dark hood lower over his face.

“Yes,” I whispered, “My mum used to frequent Knockturn Alley – probably still does – I know the good side from the bad side.”

“There are a lot of stores here that would sell potions,” he noted, eyeing the small, bedraggled shops that lined the busy street.  “We’ll have to check them all.”

“Let’s try there first,” I pointed at Sordid Sells, a store with dusty windows and a door that hung on its hinges.

A rusty bell sounded when we entered the dark, musty shop.  Lit by small, floating candles that barely touched the obscurity, it was cold and foreboding inside.  The shelves were lined with bundles of putrid plants whose names I couldn’t pronounce and had never heard before.  There were also jars of pickled magical creatures and rows of charmed and cursed pendants and weapons.  Skulls decorated the walls and dangling animal limbs hung from the ceiling.

The shopkeeper was a burly middle-aged man with a round face and large, completely black eyes.  His scraggly dark hair shrouded some of his features but couldn’t conceal the abrading scar that ran across his left cheek.  He appeared to be examining some merchandise behind the front counter but I knew he was watching us avidly.

“Excuse me,” James said approaching him, “We were wondering if you carried any werewolf potions.”

The man paid him no mind.

Stepping forward, I casually picked up a large jar from one of the many shelves.  It was filled with hippogriff claws that were submerged in a thick brown liquid.  Knowing I already had the man’s attention, I threw it against the floor.  The glass shattered, releasing a rank smell as the fluid oozed across the floor.

“Ye’ll hav’ to’r pay fer tha’,” he said, eyes gleaming.

“Pay for what?” I asked smoothly.  “That was already broken when we entered.”

He grinned, showing us his yellowed, crooked teeth.  “What’r ye wan’?”

“Werewolf potions,” I supplied.  “Do you have any?”

“No,” he shook his head.  “Hooks’s the ‘nly place tha’ do.”

“Thank you.”  I smiled amicably before turning and leaving the shop. 

A few moments later, a shocked and impressed looking James was at my side.  “What was that?”

“Politeness won’t get you very far in Knockturn Alley, James.  Better let me handle everything in Hook’s.  It’s down that way,” I indicated the opposite end of the street.

Hook’s, as it turned out, got its name from its shopkeeper, an elderly man with a birthmark on his temple that took the shape of a hook.  Compared to all the people that infested this place, he was normal-looking.  He had short white hair, a well-rimmed beard, and brown eyes.  Experience, however, had taught me that in Knockturn Alley the ‘normal-looking’ people were the most dangerous. 

His shop was just as dank and dimly lit as the previous one.  The difference was in its merchandise.  Its shelves were filled with rows of oddly sized and shaped bottles, each containing a different potion.  Some were merely marked as curses, others were more specific.  One potion claimed it would make the drinker’s skin disintegrate while burning that person’s body from the inside.  How lovely.

“I was told you carry werewolf potions,” I spoke without looking at the man.  Instead, I kept my gaze focused on a potion that was supposed to make a person cough up their own lungs.

“That’s right,” he replied immediately, seeming pleased that someone had directed me to his establishment.  “What kind do you need?”

“The most recent,” I picked up a bottle and carefully read its label.  It permanently blinded whoever swallowed so much as the smallest drop.  Honestly, compared to the others I had seen, that was rather mild.

“This is the newest one I’ve got,” he said.  I heard him set something down.

Slowly, I made my way to the front counter.  There was a small flask the same size as the one Remus had drunk from yesterday evening.  When I picked it up I noted that it was labeled identically, with the word ‘werewolf’ written on a black sticker.  This was it.

Hastily, I paid the man and indicated to James that we should leave.  When we were outside, my best friend commented, “I can hardly imagine Remus in a place like this.”

I nodded.  Neither could I.  He must have been desperate.

~~~~~~~~~~

“All right.  As soon as we put in the saline hyssop roots we’ll have to add the mushroom pileus in exactly two hours,” James reminded me for the fourth time.  “Are you certain you can get it by then?”

“Yes, I’m sure.  I’m going now.”

“I’ll bring the potion to a simmer and make sure we’ve made it properly so far.”

“I’ll be back in a half-hour,” I promised as I concealed myself under the Invisibility Cloak and noiselessly left the secret passageway we were hiding in.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Jeremy!” I continued pounding on my friend’s door, thankful that no one else was around to hear the racket I was making.  “Jeremy!  It’s Sirius, let me in!”

Damn it.  Why wasn’t he answering?  I had checked on the Marauder’s Map just before knocking and it showed that he was in there.  He couldn’t possibly have left in the time it had taken me to fold the map up and step out form under the Invisibility Cloak, much less without my seeing him.  Unless, of course, he had randomly decided to climb out a window and run off into the Forbidden Forest.

“Jere–”

The door swung open to reveal a grinning Jeremy.  “Sirius.  Why didn’t you knock harder?  You would have brought down the door and saved me the trouble of opening it.”  It was meant to be a joke but it came out rather snappy.  I couldn’t read the emotion in his eyes but whatever it was, it wasn’t joy.  He seemed…shell-shocked.

“Sorry.  It’s important, though.”

“That goes without saying,” he stepped aside and motioned for me to enter.  Once I did he closed the door behind me.  “What can I do for you?”

Jeremy’s home looked much the same as it had the last time I had seen it, just after we had met.  He still had the same set of what he called ‘action figures’.  He had picked them up before coming to England, when he had spent a few months living as a Muggle.  The only thing that was different was the fact that his large couch – which admittedly had been rather shabby to begin with – was gone.  It opened up a lot of space in the living room – indeed, there was nothing save one small chair in it now – but I had to wonder why he’d gotten rid of it.

“Er… What happened to the couch?” I asked, frowning.

Jeremy laughed.  Loudly.  “Sometimes, when Dumbledore sends Hagrid away from Hogwarts, he has me look after Sunshine.  Unfortunately, Sunshine was a bit…over enthusiastic and managed to ruin the couch.  Clawed it all up.”

“Sunshine?”

“Oh, you haven’t heard?  It’s his new pet wyvern.”

“Hagrid has a pet wyvern?  And he’s called it ‘Sunshine’?”  Wyverns were sort of bird like.  They had a dragon’s head – though fortunately they didn’t breathe fire – wings, and a serpent-like tail.

He shrugged, chuckling weakly.  “I’ve learned to not be surprised by anything Hagrid does anymore.”

“So…are you all right?” I asked.  Last time I had seen him he had been troubled.  Now, he was smiling but it seemed forced, something plastered on his face just because he knew I’d expect it of him.

“Yeah.  Yeah, I’m fine,” he waved a dismissive hand, “I’m just sick.  Headache.  Cough.  Sore throat.  Normal stuff.”

“Why don’t you go see Madam Pomfrey?” I asked.

“I did.  She wasn’t there.  She was in some meeting about what happened to that girl…Evelyn Milay.  I haven’t had a chance to go back yet.”  He looked away, apparently very interested in the design of his bedspread.

I nodded.  It was more than the flu.  That was assuming he even had the flu.  If I had more time I’d try and figure out what the problem was.  At the moment though, I had a potion ingredient to get a hold of.  “Last time we saw each other – last night – you said you had to jar some mushroom pileus for Dumbledore.”

Jeremy frowned, looking confused.

“They’re for someone in New Zealand, remember?”  I didn’t have time for him not to know what I was talking about.

“Oh!” he exclaimed, smiling, “Of course.  Mushroom pileus.  How could I possibly have forgotten?”

I breathed a sigh of relief.  “I need three.”

“Three,” he repeated.  “I only have six.  I’m supposed to send them all to New Zealand tomorrow.  I know you wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important but Dumbledore’s given me a generously paying job and a place to stay,” he indicated the hut, “I can’t risk that.”

“I’d go to Diagon Alley if I could but it’s late enough for all the shops to be closed.  Knockturn Alley would have them but I can’t risk buying faulty merchandise.”  I hated having to ask him for this, knowing how important this job was to him, but I had to.  For Remus.  “I’ll give you enough money so that you can buy three more in Diagon Alley tomorrow morning.  I need them now, though.”

“Why?” he asked quietly.

A simple question with a not-so-simple answer.  One I couldn’t give.  Not without revealing Remus’ secret.  “I…can’t tell you, exactly.  All I can say is that Remus is in trouble.”

My statement was greeted with an arched eyebrow.  “The sort of trouble where mushroom pileus comes in handy?”

“Well, not the mushroom pileus so much as the potion it’s going to help us make.”  I couldn’t tell whether Jeremy was going to agree or not.  If it had been James, or Remus, or even Peter, I probably would have been able to see it on his face.  I didn’t know Jeremy well enough, though.  I had no idea what he was thinking.  “Please, Jeremy,” I pleaded, “It’s very important.  If we don’t get this potion right…Remus could–” I sighed.  I couldn’t say ‘be executed’ without launching into an elaborate explanation of the situation.  How could I make him see how urgent this was?

“All right, Sirius,” he relented.  “Just let me get it.”  He walked into his kitchen and grabbed a small jar from off a shelf above the sink.  When he returned, he handed it to me.  “There’re three in there.”

Clutching the jar in one hand, I reached into my pocket and pulled out all the money I had on me.  “Here,” I said, dropping the coins into his waiting hand.  “Thank you.” Expressing how grateful I was would be impossible.  Hopefully he would hear it in my voice.

“Sirius,” he said, looking down at the money in his hands, “This is way more than enough.”

“Thank you,” I repeated.

“I’ll give you the change next time I see you,” he assured me, dumping the coins onto his kitchen table.

“Keep it.  For your trouble,” I turned towards the door.  “I need to be leaving.”

Jeremy followed me.  “Just so you know…I would have given them to you even without the money to buy replacements.”

I paused and turned back to look at him.  But he had mentioned Dumbledore and his job…

“I can tell how important your friends are to you,” he said by way of explanation, smiling his first genuine smile since when I had seen him prior to moonrise the previous night.  Before everything had gone to hell.

I didn’t really understand what he meant by that but I just nodded and smiled.  “I need to go now.”

Passing me, he opened the door.  “I hope everything works out for Remus.”  He hadn’t even met Moony but I could tell he sincerely meant it.

“Thanks.”  When he pushed the door shut behind me, I added, more quietly, “So do I.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s ready,” James announced softly.  “We just have to let it cool.”

Right.  After it cooled we’d be able to take Remus a flask.  If he agreed to drink it, we’d know.  We’d know whether he had killed Evelyn.  All day – ever since I had learned what had happened to the poor girl – I hadn’t let myself doubt, even for one moment, that Remus was innocent.  Now, though, I felt a growing anxiety.  What if I was wrong?

“If you want, you can go explain things to Remus while I wait for the potion to cool,” he offered without looking up from the cauldron.

I watched him carefully, surprised.  “Are you sure?”

James smiled.  “Yeah.  You’re his closest friend.  He should hear it from you.”  He left a lot unspoken.  That wasn’t his only reason.  He knew that I liked being the one that was there for Remus.  It made me feel like I was doing something worth while.  More importantly, it made me feel needed.

“Thanks, James… Just, thank you.”  I was lucky to have such an incredible friend who understood me so well.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was dark when I returned to our room.  The familiar, rhythmic snoring told me Peter was asleep.  Soundlessly, I padded over to Remus’ bed, which was barely illuminated by moonlight.  Peering through the semi-darkness, I was surprised to see that my friend was wide awake.  He was lying on his back, staring up into the obscurity with shadowed emerald eyes.

Wordlessly, he sat up and pulled his knees to his chest.

I took the tacit invitation and settled down across from him on his bed.  “How are you doing?” I kept my voice low so as not to wake Peter.

“Better.  The shower and sleeping helped,” he hesitated, “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Remus…don’t apologize.  You don’t have to always be calm and collected.  It’s okay to slip.  It happens.”  I’d cried in front of him.  For me, that was falling apart entirely.  Even James hadn’t ever seen my cry. 

“Thank you for being there for me, Sirius.”

I wished I could see his eyes better.  It was too dim though, I could barely make out the outline of his face.  “You know that–”

“No, listen to me,” he interjected.  “Thank you for always being there.  I’ve been happier here at Hogwarts than anywhere else.  In large part because of you.  I just need for you to know that.”

No.  He couldn’t do this.  He couldn’t start talking like he was going to die.  “Rem–”

“I know what you’re going to say, but Sirius, I have a clock hanging over me.  It’s ticking down to the time when the Minister of Magic will return with his investigators and drag me away to be executed.  Dumbledore will do everything in his power to save me.  He’ll fail, though.  The investigation he’s forced the Minister to conduct will end and they’ll do what they would have done already if not for Dumbledore: kill me.  I refuse to leave things unsaid.  Especially with you.”  He sighed, sounding very helpless.  “I’m sorry if it’s hard for you to hear.”

It seemed that since the time we had last spoken he had forced himself to accept what he thought was inevitable.  I wondered if he was just saying this with calm detachment or if he really felt it.  “I’m glad that I’ve been a good friend to you, Remus.  But before you finish saying your peace, I have something to tell you.  I don’t know what Peter said but James and I didn’t skip out to perform some sort of childish prank.  We were trying to help you.”

“Sirius…please, tell me you didn’t go to Dumbledore.  It’d be useless…you’d be getting yourself expelled for no reason.”

“No, no,” I shook my head, “Nothing like that.  We performed a component charm on the potion you took before moonrise.”  When done correctly, a component charm would accurately list all of the ingredients used in any given potion.  When tweaked – as James and I had learned to do – it would give the specific quantity of each ingredient and detail how it was added and mixed in.  Essentially, it was a way of figuring out how to exactly replicate the potion in question.

I knew that Remus was frowning even though I could hardly see him.  “But there was nothing left of that potion.”

“We went to Knockturn Alley and bought another one.  We figured it was our best chance of getting one like the one you took.”

“Oh,” he commented intelligently.

“Well, you know that James is very talented with potions.  He used the results from the component charm to figure out how to make a potion that would counter the effects of the one you took.”  Basically, it had involved James figuring out what the key ingredient was and adding it to the potion in exactly the opposite way it had been added to the original potion.  The mushroom pileus had been chopped into pieces and stirred into the original potion while it was cold.  According to James, that meant we had to bring our potion to a boil and add the mushroom pileus in whole.

For a while, Remus just watched me.  I wasn’t sure if he grasped the significance of what I was saying.  “You mean that if I drink this potion you made for me, I’ll remember what happened during the full moon.”

“Exactly.”  That was assuming that James had interpreted the component charm correctly and selected the right key ingredient.  He was certain that he had, though, and I trusted him.  It would work.  “If it was another werewolf you can have Dumbledore give you the Veritaserum again.  They’ll have to drop the charges when you say you didn’t do it.”

“If I didn’t do it,” Remind amended.  “If I did…”  He didn’t finish.  He didn’t have to.  If he was guilty, it was over.  His life was over.

For a few minutes we just sat in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

“The potion’s ready!”  Maybe it was because of the stillness in the room or maybe James really had yelled but Remus and I both jumped when he came running in with his announcement.

James was standing just beside the bed, holding out a large jar or purplish liquid.  I took it from him and shakily handed it to Remus.  Moony held it tightly in the palm of his right hand.  For a long while, he didn’t say anything.  He just stared at it. 

Finally, though, he spoke in a voice so quiet I wondered if he was talking to himself.  “For almost my entire life I’ve wished I could forget the full moons.  At Hogwarts they’ve been better but still, I’d have given anything to erase the memories of madness.  Now… I don’t remember anything about last night.  Not the pain of the transformations, not the utter loss of control and awareness of self.  It’s what I’ve always wanted and I’m going to give it away.  It’s better though.  It’s better than not knowing, than having that doubt in my mind, however small.”

Setting the jar on his nightstand, he seemed to shake those thoughts from his mind.  “I would like to do this alone,” he said.  Despite the darkness I could tell he was looking directly at me.

“Of course.”  It was the last thing that I wanted but I’d leave without protest if that was what he needed.  “We’ll wait in the common room.  It’s late enough so that no one will be there.”

I climbed to my feet.  At some point, Peter had stopped snoring.  Either he was awake or he had, within the last few minutes, changed a habit he’d had for years.  “Wormtail?”

“Yeah?” came his slightly distorted reply.

“Get up.  Remus needs to be alone.”

Peter groaned but didn’t protest.  Instead, he stumbled to his feet and followed James from the room.

“Remus,” I searched for meaningful words that could express the depths of my emotions but came up woefully empty handed.  Truly, what was there to say?

“I know, Sirius,” he replied kindly.

I bit my lip.  “Good luck.”

Nervously, I joined James and Peter in the common room.  They were standing in front of the fire, whispering.  He was probably explaining to Wormtail exactly what we had done.  We hadn’t told him much when we left, just that we were going to make a potion that might clear or convict Remus and that he should stay and keep Moony company.

Blocking their barely audible murmurs from my mind, I sunk down into one of the many couches that filled the common room.   Wearily, I swung my legs onto the cushion and leaned back against the armrest.  I was beyond exhausted.  I had been exhausted going into the full moon.  Now I was ready to collapse.  I had barely gotten any sleep since this whole nightmare began.  It was hard to believe that Remus had only been arrested last night.  It seemed like an eternity ago.  I just wanted to crawl into some hole somewhere and forget about everything while I slept and slept…and slept.

I couldn’t forget though.  I couldn’t even push it from my mind for more than a few minutes, if that.  Remus was in there – in our dormitory – taking a potion that would restore his memory of last night.  Soon, he’d walk into the common room and tell us what had happened.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.

I had known him for seven years.  He and James were my closest friends.  I didn’t want to lose him.  Not because of a misunderstanding, not because time would pull us apart, and certainly not because of execution.  It just wasn’t right.  It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair.  What they did to werewolves was just…unthinkable. 

Would it hurt?  When they killed him…would it hurt?  I had no idea.  I had no idea how they executed criminals.  Would he be allowed to have people with him?  If he was…would he want me there?  Would I be able to go if he did?  I couldn’t imagine watching him die.  But I would.  If it was easier for him.  But, God…it’d be the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.  I’d seen him in pain.  I’d seen his body twist into wolf and human form.  I’d seen him tear himself almost to pieces during the full moons.  All of that had been hard, all of that had ripped something out of me.  But actually watching him be killed?  I couldn’t even conceive of that.  I couldn’t imagine how horrible that would be.

Oh Merlin.  What was I doing?  I had to stop thinking like this.  I had to stop thinking that the potion James and I had made would prove that the worst was true.  I believed that Remus was innocent.  Why couldn’t I feel it?  Why did my doubts have to take over?  Why couldn’t I just calmly await Remus announcement and then deal with whatever it entailed?  Because I cared about him.  Because I loved him and I couldn’t not worry when his life was in danger.

I was scared.  I was so scared.  How was I supposed to–

“Sirius,” James interrupted my anxious thoughts.

I looked up.  Remus had just entered the common room.  He was walking towards us.  His face was calm, revealing  no emotion.  I searched his gaze for some hint of what the potion had revealed.  The emerald pools were darker than usual, making his eyes almost black and giving him a very grave air.  That was it, though.  That was all there was to interpret.  He was completely unreadable to me.  I had no idea what he was going to say.

Remus came to a stop a few feet from us.  “I need to talk to Dumbledore.”

~Part Six~

Sirius:

Remus glanced at James and Peter but then focused his attention on me.  Silently, solemnly, he took a seat across from me on the couch.  Placing a hand on my shoulder, he met my gaze intently.  As I examined his eyes, some of their normal vibrant color returned, replacing the blackness from just moments earlier.  They even seemed to be shining again.

Then I knew.  Without him having to tell me, I knew.

A surreal giddiness drained me of all worry.  Oh, thank God.  He hadn’t done it!  He really hadn’t done it!  My belief in him had been more than a desperate attempt to deny what appeared to be obvious.  The nightmare was over.  Everything was going to be all right.

A lopsided grin spread itself over my lips.  “You git!” I hit him lightly on the arm.  “You enjoyed that!  You enjoyed making me wonder! I–”

I frowned.  Remus was shaking his head.  Smiling, but shaking his head.  No.  He hadn’t done it on purpose.  He wasn’t that cruel.  He had wanted to come right out and say it but he was overwhelmed.  In shock.  After getting thrown in that Confinement Center and then being released only to be struck by the fear that he most likely had killed someone, this didn’t seem real to him.  He wanted to believe it but it was like a dream he was afraid would slip away.

“Remus,” I hugged him tightly, “Remus, it’s all right.  It’s over.”

I could feel him trembling very slightly but slowly his arms slipped around me.  “I almost can’t believe it,” he murmured.  “Who else could it be?”

“It doesn’t matter.”  He slowly relaxed.  “As long as it wasn’t you.  It doesn’t matter.”

Simultaneously, we pulled back.  I flushed, embarrassed because I remembered that James and Peter were in the room, watching our exchange.

Remus smiled, understanding.  He stood and turned towards the others.  I was surprised when James, laughing, pulled him into a quick embrace and slapped him hardily on the back.  “I’m glad,” he said simply.

“Thanks for making the potion.”  Remus held his gaze and spoke very earnestly.

James nodded and dramatically let himself fall back onto the couch next to me.  “I’m always willing to gift others with the fruits of my substantial knowledge,” he grinned.

I rolled my eyes.  “It was comments like those that made Lily steer clear of you for so long.  Better be careful or you’ll send her running again,” I jokingly warned.

“Ah,” he shrugged me off.  “At least I have a girlfriend.  That’s more than I can say for your sorry lot,” he gestured vaguely at Peter, Remus, and me.

“I need to talk to Dumbledore,” Remus cut off any retort I might have made.

His shock had worn off but he still didn’t seem as happy as I would have expected.  Oh, he was relieved, there was no denying that, but why wasn’t he ecstatic?  He hadn’t killed anyone, one of his worst fears hadn’t come true.  Why did he still seem so…troubled?

Remus was watching me.  When I met his gaze, he shook his head almost imperceptibly.  It was his way of asking me to let it go.  He didn’t want to explain.  Not in front of James and Peter and perhaps not even to me. 

“It’s the middle of the night,” I pointed out.  “We can go first thing in the morning.”

He nodded.  “I’m going to…go to sleep,” he said, heading back towards our dormitory.

“Hey!” Peter stopped him, “We should have a party or something!”

“Yeah!” James agreed, giving one of his face-splitting grins.

Remus barely smiled, shaking his head.  “I’m tired,” he said.  “I need to sleep.”  Then he left the common room.

I stared after him, feeling some of my own joy ebb.

“What do you suppose is wrong now?” James wondered.

I shook my head.  I had no idea.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Sirius.”

The whispering of my name intruded upon my much-needed sleep.  The wonderful dream I had been having about the Werewolf Confinement Center being burned to the ground – after all its prisoners were released – faded away.  I wanted to groan and hide myself under the blankets.  Perhaps, if I just ignored the voice, its owner would leave me be.

“Sirius.”  This time, a hand shaking my shoulder accompanied the annoying sleep-destroying voice.

No.  I didn’t want to wake up.  I wanted to sleep.  I hadn’t slept in what seemed like several eternities and I was tired.  If I kept pretending that I couldn’t hear whatever ungodly person was trying to rouse me, he’d go away.

“Sirius!”  This time my name was spoken louder and the person shook me harder.

Brilliant.  Bloody brilliant.  Now I was too awake to just instantly fall asleep again.  Why hadn’t the aggravating robber-of-sleep taken the hint and left me alone?  Now that I was more lucid I had to admit that hoping he’d bugger off because I was pretending I couldn’t hear him was similar to the idea that if I closed my eyes someone else wouldn’t be able to see me.  Or was it?  Maybe I was still too asleep to make analogies.

Muttering an inaudible curse, I opened my eyes and rolled over before whoever it was could say my name again.  “Won’t anyone let me get some sleep?” I demanded, upset.  At first my vision was too blurry to make anything out in the darkness but after a few moments I recognized…Remus.

“Damn it, Moony,” I growled, “The school had better be collapsing.”

Even in the dim lighting I could see the hurt and surprise in his eyes.  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, sounding overly contrite.  He turned back towards his bed.

Damn.  “No, Remus, wait.”  In seven years he had never once purposefully woken me in the middle of the night.  Obviously, it was important.

He returned to the side of my bed but didn’t say anything.

“I’m just tired.  I’ve barely gotten any sleep since the full moon and–”  Suddenly I felt guilty for complaining.  “Of course not getting any sleep doesn’t compare to being arrested for murder and getting thrown into a Confinement Center, or turning into a wolf once every month for that matter, so I really should…stop babbling now.”

Remus smiled, apparently very amused at my ramblings.

“What time is it?” I asked hurriedly, yawning.

Remus answered less quickly.  “Er…five-thirty,” he sounded embarrassed and apologetic again.

Oh, of course.  “Five-thirty,” I repeated tiredly, still feeling a little frustrated. “In the morning.”

“I’m sorry,” he offered again.  “I…couldn’t sleep.”

One of my eyebrows shut up of its own accord.  “You couldn’t sleep?”

He flushed.  “I know.  What am I?  Five?  I just…  I can’t stop…” he sighed, flustered.

He was still shaken up.  Whatever had been bothering him when he left the common room was still weighing heavily on his mind.  The last of my annoyance faded.  He had been through quite a bit lately.  Obviously, it had taken its toll.  He wasn’t his calm, controlled self.  That, in and of itself, said a great deal about how troubled he was.

Suppressing another yawn, I sat up and tucked my legs under me.

Remus immediately settled himself into the space I had created for him.  “Thank you,” he whispered, smiling.

I nodded once.

“It never seemed real to me,” he murmured sadly after taking a moment to collect his thoughts.  “I was always so afraid of hurting or killing someone but even still…it seemed more of a nightmare than an actual possibility.  Even with all the close calls we’ve had over the last couple years the reality never sunk in.  I never understood what it would mean to kill someone.

“Now, Evelyn is dead…” he shook his head, “and all I can think is that it could have been me.  I didn’t kill her.  But I could have.  The only reason I didn’t was because I got lucky.”

“We got lucky,” I corrected, “Prongs, Wormtail, and me.  It’s our fault, Remus, not yours.  We should have been more careful.  We should have paid closer attention.  I promise that next time we–”

“No.  No next time.”

“Well, obviously it can’t be next time,” I agreed, understanding.  “Once the Ministry finds out you’re not responsible they won’t rest until they track down our mysterious werewolf.  Next full moon they’ll have teams sweeping Hogwarts.  We should stay in the Shack.”

“No,” he said again, “that’s not what I meant.  You’re right, of course.  They’ll have people specifically trained in capturing werewolves everywhere around Hogwarts next full moon.  That’s not what I meant, though.”  He hesitated, seeming suddenly nervous, “I meant there won’t be a next time for you guys to be more careful.  I’ve decided I can’t take the risk anymore.  There are seven full moons left before we graduate.  I won’t leave the Shack for any of them.”

Oh.  I wanted to argue but held my tongue.  After seven years I could tell when I had hope of changing his mind and when I didn’t.  He was adamant about this.  I could argue that he would only be making things more difficult for himself but who would know that better than him?  If he was willing to endure increased pain and madness to ensure others’ safety then I was willing to let him.

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” he apologized sincerely, still uneasy.

“Whatever for, Remus?”  For being the most sensible of the Marauders?  Though even I had to admit after what had happened on the last full moon that taking Moony out of the shack was not a bright idea.

“I know how much you enjoy the full moons.  Prongs, Wormtail, and you,” he bowed his head.  “I’m sorry to disappoint you.  Maybe you can have your adventures on another night.”

I shook my head.  “Remus, look at me.”  I waited for him to meet my gaze before continuing.  “Of course we have fun on the full moons.  It’s been brilliant, really.  But that’s not the point.  It’s always been to make things easier for you.  I’m sorry if that wasn’t obvious… And as for doing it on another night, it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

He smiled.  “It wasn’t entirely your fault.”  He ran a hand through his shoulder length hair.  “Even if you had been paying closer attention to me, I think I would have gotten away anyway.  You might not realize because it’s never been an issue before but to a werewolf the call of another werewolf is…very powerful.”

“I had read that, yes.”  I’d forgotten, though.  At least until he mentioned it.

“I heard the howling of the other werewolf.  That’s why I ran off.  If…if you–” he touched his left temple with his forefinger.  “If you hadn’t found me, I would have joined him.  Then we’d both be responsible for killing Evelyn.”  God, he sounded so lost.

I placed a hand on his forearm.  “We did find you, Remus.  Evelyn’s death is not your fault.”

His eyes shifted to the window behind me.  I always looked past me when he was about to change the subject even though his feelings regarding it were still running deep.  “I’m going to tell Dumbledore that you were late for the full moon.  You weren’t going to enter the Shack once you realized that moonrise had passed but you saw that the Whomping Willow’s branches were immobilized.  Worried, you checked the Shack and saw that I was gone.  Immediately, you began searching for me.  It took you a while to find me but when you did you used a charm to stun me.  Then you dragged me back to the Shack and stayed with me the rest of the night.

“I know the Minister of Magic will blame Madam Pomfrey for leaving the tree immobilized and allowing me to escape but…” he shrugged, “It’s better than them discovering that you’re an Animagus.”

Remus was the most sensible of us.  I hadn’t even thought about how we would explain Moony’s ‘escape’.  “Very…er…thorough.  I’ll tell James and Peter…so that we can all have our stories straight.  I doubt Dumbledore will ask us but it pays to be careful.”

“I’m more concerned with what the Minister of Magic will ask me after I’ve taken the Veritaserum,” Remus confided.  “I can lie to Dumbledore about how I got loose but if Beechcroft asks after I’ve taken the potion me I’ll have no choice but to tell the truth.”

So he was worried about that too.  Remus worried too much.  About himself and about others when he should have been worrying about himself.  “Then you’ll tell the truth,” I shrugged.  “I’ll accept whatever the Ministry and Dumbledore feel is the appropriate punishment for breaking the law regarding becoming an Animagus and ‘releasing’ a werewolf on the full moons.  It’s better than them killing you.”

Remus didn’t seem convinced.  “It’s not as if I don’t believe you, Padfoot.  I know you feel that way now.  I’m afraid you’ll change your mind if you’re expelled.”  He momentarily placed his hand over mine, which was still resting on his arm.  “Thank you for listening to me.  Talking to you always helps.”

Had I helped?  I hoped so.  It didn’t seem like I had done anything at all.

“I’m sorry that I woke you,” he apologized unnecessarily.  He did that often.  “It must seem rather pointless now.”

“No,” I assured him immediately.   It wasn’t as if I actually needed to sleep, after all.  “As long as I helped.”  How could I have helped?  He had gone from subject to subject before I could even really offer my input.  It was as if he was afraid of saying too much or watching his control crumble away.

“You did.”  He sounded genuine.

I smiled, deciding not to press the matter.  “Then feel free to wake me up any time you feel like talking at five-thirty in the morning.”

At first Remus frowned but then he realized I wasn’t expressing any annoyance and he chuckled before sliding off of my bed and returning to his own.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“They didn’t ask!” Remus exclaimed and I couldn’t hide the smile that flickered across my lips at hearing actual joy in his voice.

Setting aside the book that I had been staring at since Remus left to speak with Dumbledore, I looked up just as Moony sat next to me on my bed.  “They didn’t ask about what?” I prompted.

“They didn’t ask how I escaped the Shrieking Shack.  They simply wanted to know whether I killed Evelyn and then, when I said no, whether I knew who had,” his voice faltered.  I knew what he was thinking.  That it was unfair for them to assume he would know who the other werewolf was just because he was also a werewolf.  “They don’t know you’re an Animagus.”

I rolled my eyes and half-sighed half-chuckled in disbelief.  “I don’t care about that, you git.  Did they drop the charges?”

Remus grinned, eyes lighting up, and I realized he had made that announcement first just to see the look on my face.  It had not been because he actually thought that I would care more about that than whether the Ministry was going to leave Moony in peace or because he thought that was more important.

I smiled briefly before repeating my question.  “Did they drop the charges?”

His grin faded to a smile.  “Yes, Sirius.  They did.”

Good.  Wonderful.  I hadn’t been worried – exactly.  It had just been a nagging concern that the Ministry hated werewolves so much that they’d find a way to hold Remus for some idiotic, prejudicial reason.  “Do James and Peter know?”

“They were in the common room so I told them on my way in.”  He scooted back so that he had room to draw his legs up and rest his feet on the mattress.  “I’m sorry about this morning.  I really shouldn’t have woken you.”

I felt like strangling him.  “Remus!” I cried out in exasperation, “I said it was all right and I meant it!  Stop apologizing!”  I purposefully softened my tone, “Really, don’t worry about it.  Are you feeling better now?  Are…are you all right?”

The last of his smile faltered.  His eyes went distant.  “Would you believe me if I said yes?  I…knew Evelyn, Sirius.  She wanted to come back to Hogwarts and teach Herbology.  She…she was engaged to James Flemming from Ravenclaw.  Did you know that?”

I shook my head mutely.  I hadn’t exchanged more than three words with her in the last seven years.  I hadn’t realized that Remus had had any extended interaction with her.  Maybe he hadn’t.  Maybe he just needed to say these things to make himself feel better.

“The wedding was going to be the day after graduation.  Lily would have been her maid of honor.  I saw Lily when I left this morning…she had been crying.”  James had mentioned it to me.  Remus had hugged her and told her how sorry he was.  Lily had thanked him and said he was a sweetheart.  

That, apparently, was the opinion most of the Gryffindor girls held of him.  A fact I had told him many times.  He, however, always refused to get involved in any sort of romantic relationship.  He didn’t want to hide his condition from someone he was intimate with and was too afraid to be forthcoming about it.  It was sad how many things he denied himself because of his condition.

“I didn’t do it, Sirius…so why do I have to feel so guilty?” he asked faintly.

I shook my head helplessly.  I didn’t know what to tell him.  I had to say something though.  “You’ll feel better.”

“The funeral is tomorrow,” he went on listlessly, “Will you come with me?”

I nodded.  “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

He needed to stop thinking about this.  We needed to distract him.  “I think Peter had a good idea last night.  We should have a party.”

He frowned.  “No.  Maybe after the funeral…if we wait a week or so.”

“You’ve been through a lot, Remus.  You need to get if off your mind.  Not in a week, now.”  Maybe we, along with James and Peter, could sneak off to Hogsmeade.  It’d been a while since we’d all gone together.  It’d be fun.

“Sirius, I really don’t feel like–”

I interrupted his pleading protest.  “That’s exactly why you should.”

Annoyance flickered across his face but then he smiled resignedly, perhaps realizing the futility of arguing with me.  “Very well.”

~~~~~~~~~~

NEW POTION MIGHT CURE WEREWOLF MADNESS

“Bloody brilliant,” I muttered under my breath, tossing today’s issue of the Daily Prophet aside.  What was this?  For decades the Ministry’s research teams had virtually ignored the condition, preferring to simply classify werewolves as ‘dark creatures’ instead of finding a way to help them.  Now it seemed as if they were coming out with a ‘possible’ treatment every other day.  How terrifically wonderful of them to suddenly make it a priority but not an important enough priority to actually test the effects of the potions before releasing them to the public.  After all, who cared if a couple of werewolves dropped dead in the name of magical remedies?

I sighed.  Why now?  Everything had been going so well.  The first couple weeks after Evelyn’s funeral had been iffy.  Remus had devoted all of his time to studying unless I managed to pry him away from his books and papers which, unfortunately, had not been very frequently.  He had also been deprived of sleep by recurring nightmares of having killed Evelyn and of being dragged to the Werewolf Confinement Center.

That had subsided though.

While Remus was still more withdrawn and morose than usual, he had recently started spending more time with the rest of the Marauders.  He was even getting along well with Jeremy; I had introduced them shortly after the funeral.  The occasional bad dream still tormented him but those had mostly abated as well.  He was, in short, getting better.  Today, his low spirits had more to do with tonight’s full moon than the nightmare that the last one had become.  The last thing he needed was to buy some crackpot potion that would raise his hopes only to increase his suffering.

“They’ve already started arriving.”

I raised my gaze to see Remus setting a pile of books on his bed.  “A bit of light reading?” I teased.  “Or are you already studying for our final exams?”

“Yes, well, some of us do have to study, Sirius,” he retorted, a hint of bitterness darkening his words.

I shook my head.  I hadn’t meant anything by it.  It wasn’t my fault that I remembered things from class without having to study.  “Who’s already started arriving?” I changed the subject.

“Teams especially trained in capturing werewolves,” he elaborated.  “They aren’t about to let Evelyn’s death go unpunished.”

“Maybe they won’t find anything.  The other werewolf might have just…er…been passing through.”  Perhaps whoever it was had found a secure place for their transformations so that they wouldn’t harm anyone else.

He shrugged noncommittally.  “Would you help me study for Potions?”

“Of course…and anything else, as well.”  It was very important to Remus to do well on the N.E.W.T.s.  He hoped that maybe, if he proved how knowledgeable and capable he was, he’d be able to make a decent living.  James and I didn’t have to worry about anything of the sort.  Even Peter had no doubts about finding a job.  Everything was different for Remus, though.  He worked so hard but we all knew that it was next to pointless.  No respected employer would ever hire him.

It was so unfair.  He didn’t deserve this.

My eyes fell to the newspaper that lay crumpled at the foot of my bed.  I had to tell him.  If I didn’t, he’d find out about it anyway and get the potion at Knockturn Alley.  He had promised to let me know whenever he took a potion, he had not promised to let me pay for the more expensive, better made ones that could be found at Hogsmeade.

Grudgingly, I picked the paper up and walked over to Remus.  He was sitting on his bed now, with one of the books opened across his lap.  He didn’t even notice me.  I placed the paper over his book, blocking his view of it.

“Padfoot,” he admonished, “I need to study.”

I pointed at the article that would concern him.

Remus’ protest died on his lips.  Slowly, he lifted the Daily Prophet so that it was at a better angle for him to read.  Silently, I watched his eyes dart back and forth as he took the information in.  I didn’t speak until I was sure he was finished.  “It’s too late to get the potion for tonight.  This weekend we can go to Hogsmeade and I’ll buy it for you.”

“No,” he didn’t look up from the article.

Of course he couldn’t agree and make things simple for the both of us.  “Look, Remus, I understand that you want to buy it with your own money but–”

“Sirius, stop.”  He carefully folded the paper up and placed it on his pillow.  “Thank you,” he met my gaze.  “I appreciate what you’re doing.  I’m not going to buy the potion.”

“You’re going to steal it?” I asked without thinking.

He smiled briefly.  “No.  That could have been phrased better.  I’m not going to drink any more potions until one is released that has been tested and deemed safe.”

“Why not?”  It wasn’t that I wasn’t pleased; I simply didn’t understand his change of heart. 

“You were right.  Last month…what you said to me.  You were right.  I–” he swallowed, “I want the pain to end but…the consequences are–  If I hadn’t taken the potion last month there never would have been any doubt.  I wouldn’t have spent nearly as much time in the Confinement Center, wouldn’t have thought I had killed Evelyn, and wouldn’t have worried you so much.”

I grinned, relieved.  He had made the right choice.  It had been hard but he had done it.

“It’s better this way,” he nodded.  “Thank you for showing me the article.  I know you must have wanted to burn it.”

“I just wanted to make sure you got a decently made potion.  The less risks, the better.”  Well, assuming the risks were his and not mine.  I, after all, didn’t, place much stock in carefully considering options and doing the safest, most intelligent thing.

Remus didn’t comment on it.  “I know.”  He glanced down at the book in his lap.  “I do need to study before moonrise, though.”

“Right.”  Grabbing my copy of the Daily Prophet, I climbed back onto my bed.  I was about to finish the article I had been reading before I’d caught sight of the other headline when I noticed something through my window.  It was Dumbledore.  He was talking to…the Minister of Magic.

Shaking my head, I leaned back against the wall.  I sincerely hoped that they did not catch the werewolf.  No one deserved to be executed for something that wasn’t within their ability to control.  No one.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Minister had sent a ridiculous number of people to catch the werewolf.  They virtually formed an impenetrable perimeter around the castle.  I couldn’t help but wonder if there would have been nearly as many if Evelyn had been murdered.  I doubted it.  Arresting the killer would be a priority, of course, but this was about more than that.  This was about hate.  This was the Muggles would call a witch-hunt.

Finally, Madam Pomfrey left the shack.  She was very…unhappy.  Beechcroft had ordered her to stand guard just outside the range of the Whomping Willow to ensure that Remus didn’t escape again.  I waited until I could no longer hear her muttered complaints before stepping out from under the Invisibility Cloak.

“I do feel sorry for her.  What happened last month wasn’t at all her fault.  I hope she doesn’t have to do this until we graduate.”  It’d be pointless.  There was no way Remus would get out of here unless someone released him, which we would no longer be doing.

“Sirius!” Remus exclaimed, jumping.  “You’re here!”

I frowned.  Where else would I be?  The only times I hadn’t been here were the full moons following the Prank because Remus had expressly told me he didn’t want me here.  “Very observant of you, Remus.”

“I didn’t think any of you would come.  Staying inside the shack with a deranged wolf isn’t nearly as amusing as running through the Forbidden Forest.”  He slipped out of his robe and put it inside of the magically reinforced cupboard that stored his clothes and wand during the full moons.

“Remus, I’ve spent full moons here even when James and Peter couldn’t come.  Before we became Animagi, I stayed in that hallway,” I pointed across the room towards the closed door that separated us from the passage.  “Why would I leave you alone now?

Remus paused in undressing himself.  “I don’t know.  Sometimes it’s just hard for me to believe that you would want to spend a night trapped inside this…place, getting repeatedly attacked by a werewolf.”

“The only time you ever attacked me was the first full moon I spent with you after the Prank,” I reminded him, placing James’ Invisibility Cloak safely inside the cupboard.  “The other times Moony has just been playing…overenthusiastically.”

“Only a werewolf’s version of playing would give you scars to match my own.”  He stored the last of his clothing and wand before locking the cupboard and hanging the key on a hook in the wall, well out of harm’s way. 

“I don’t care about the scars.”  He wasn’t going to start feeling guilty about that again, was he?  I knew what I was doing when I spent the full moons alone with him.

“Would you care if I killed you?” he demanded very quietly.

So that’s what this was about.  That’s what he was afraid of.  “If you didn’t kill me on that full moon after the Prank you’re most certainly not going to kill me now, Remus.”

“I’m a werewolf, Sirius.  It’s what I do.  I kill people.”  He placed his hand on the wood of the cupboard.  Moving it downward, he traced the numerous claw marks with his fingers.

“Good thing I’m not going to be a person then.  I’m going to be a dog, a dog Moony likes to play with, not maim and kill.”  I wasn’t going to go stand in the hallway and I most certainly wasn’t going to leave.  Even when it was just Padfoot, Moony behaved better than when he was alone.  He wouldn’t turn on himself if I was here.

“I know.  I know that.”  He lowered his hand and instead turned to look at what was left of the couch.  The cushions had been ripped to shreds.  The frame was covered in gashes and blood.

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked.  Please say no.  The last thing we needed was to get into an argument just before a transformation.  It would be bad enough without him going into it upset.

He didn’t look at me.  He didn’t even turn to face me.  He just shook his head.  “I’m selfish.  I’ve never been anything but.”

God.  He didn’t need this.  He didn’t need to be doing this.  Not on a full moon.  Obviously, Evelyn had affected him more than I had ever realized.  “It’s not selfish to want things to be easier.”

“No.  But it is selfish to let my friends risk their lives.  It’s even more selfish to risk other people’s lives by leaving the Shrieking Shack,” he self-deprecated.

“You’re not letting me risk my life.  I’m here because I want to be.”  How many times had I told him this?  “As for leaving the Shack… Maybe it was a mistake but it was a mistake we all made, not just you.”

Instead of retreating to his usual corner, Remus sat down where he was standing, right in the middle of the room.  As always, he drew his legs up and leaned into them.  He sighed.  “I’m sorry for being this way.  It’s just with Evelyn and the full moon… It’ll be better tomorrow.”

Of course it would.  The full moons were always the hardest.  I should have expected something like this after what had happened last month.  I should have expected this night to bring out his fears and doubts again.

Silently, I knelt by his side and placed a hand on his back.

He closed his eyes.  “I’m glad you’re here.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Remus and I waited for nearly a half hour after moonset before leaving the shack.  When we reached the Whomping Willow and immobilized its branches we were surprised to see that Madam Pomfrey wasn’t there.

“Seven years,” Remus whispered wearily.  “Seven years and she’s never once failed to check up on me shortly after moonset.  Where is she?”

I scanned what I could see of the castle and surrounding area.  There was no one in sight.  “Where are all the Ministry people?”

“Maybe they cleared out already,” he suggested distractedly.  “I’m more worried about Madam Pomfrey.  Do you think something happened to her?”

“She might have been called away on an emergency.  She’s the best nurse we’ve got, after all.”  Glancing to my right and seeing nothing but empty air, I realized that Remus had fallen a few steps behind.  He wasn’t injured – I was the one with all the gashes and bite marks – but he was exhausted.  As usual. “Sorry,” I stopped.  When he caught up with me I continued at a slower pace.  I didn’t want to rush him.

“I hope that–”

“Remus!” I recognized Madam Pomfrey’s shrill voice.

My friend and I looked in the direction of the castle.  The nurse was hastening her way towards us.  “Are you all right?” she asked when we reached each other.  “You don’t seem scratched up.”

“No, I’m fine,” he assured her, glancing at me.  “Just tired.”

Madam Pomfrey was clearly relieved.  It was a good thing that my own wounds were concealed by my clothes as I had no idea how I would explain them to her.  If I admitted that Moony had hurt me she’d think he’d turned me as well.  Though I could have had fang marks on my face and it wouldn’t have mattered judging by all the attention she was paying me.

“I’m sorry for not coming,” she apologized as we made our way towards the castle.  “I got distracted, what with all the commotion regarding the capture of the other werewolf.”

Remus and I both came to an abrupt stop.  “They caught him?”  Moony asked so quietly, so unhappily, that she didn’t even hear him.

“They caught the werewolf that killed Evelyn?” I repeated more loudly.

Madam Pomfrey turned around.  “They did indeed.  Not but two hours ago.  They subdued him and moved him to Hagrid’s cabin until moonrise.  They took him to the Ministry as soon as he transformed.”

Remus had gone pale.  His eyes were wide.  He looked…stricken.  And why wouldn’t he be?  Whoever it was had killed a person but he hadn’t done it willingly.  Unless he was a heartless bastard, he no doubt felt guilt for what he had involuntarily done.  The Ministry needed to ensure he had proper facilities for his transformations.  They didn’t need to murder him.

“Who was it then?” I asked.  I had hoped that the other werewolf had just been someone passing by.  The fact that he was still here, a month after Evelyn’s death, proved he had to be connected to Hogwarts somehow.  He either lived in the castle or nearby.  He also had to be an unregistered werewolf or the Ministry would have taken him in with Remus.

“Why, you wouldn’t believe it,” she shook her head.  “It turned out to be the young American boy that arrived at Hogwarts two, three months ago.”

A lightning bolt of pain shot through my chest.  There was only one American here.  “W-what?” I managed to stammer.  “You don’t mean–”

“Indeed I do,” she nodded, eyes severe.  “It was Jeremy Mikkena.”